Usch!

I woke up angry today. I didn't sleep as much as I wanted to, and though that is completely normal for a full grown adult and specially for a parent, I have been collecting sleepless nights like a hoarder. 

I was mad! I was frustrated, I hated everything and didn't want to do a thing! Even having to pee was a pain in the neck! And of course I wake up to meet two tired kids who also were angry, and lazy. None of them wanted to put on clothes, and I told them once, and I told them twice, three times, four times forcing the sweetest of the tones until I figured that if something would get done I had to do it myself. Got them dressed and practically dragged them down the stairs. And breakfast! Oh dear... And then the hair, and the teeth and the jackets and scarfs and gloves and shoes... EVERYTHING was a battle! 

I snapped! I raised my voice and spited it out "I don't like it either! I hate to have to hurry to the buss, I hate not getting enough sleep, I hate it, OK? It is not your fault, you did nothing wrong but it is what it is, we have to hurry or we'll miss the buss, period!"

I don't get angry at them that often, so when I do they get scared, and they did... And then I felt like the worst mom in the world! What a horrible person I am becoming! I hated everything and myself even more!

It wasn't until we got on the buss that I came to my senses. 

It is hard now, I am tired now, I have too many responsibilities and schedules, I sleep and eat badly, I am anxious about work, the drivers license, the shopping I haven't done since two weeks ago, I have been feeling alone and overwhelmed... I have been there before, It is not that bad, It will be over! The more I think about how hard things are the harder they become. Get up, smile and get it done! I will have to get it done anyway, it's not like I can delegate, so shut up and count your blessings, NOW!

So I started: I have a job I like, I have two healthy, wonderful girls who get tired and overwhelmed themselves, too; I have a roof over my head and can afford food; it is no big deal if I can't do the big shopping, people didn't do big shopping before and they were just fine! I have my slippery driving in an hour, I am going forward! Sure, it is not as smooth and bump free as I wish it would be, but I will make it! I have friends, I have family, I am healthy... don't get enough sleep? do something about it and stop whining! don't get enough to eat? then open your mouth and chew! hungry or not! 

And so it is that I got rid of the anger.

The more we think about how hard things are, the harder they become.