Friday, September 6, 2013

Those easy, casual, difficult questions

A few weeks ago this guy came to me at work and started a small talk in the corridor. Suddenly he asks "and what do you like doing?" I got blank! empty! I hesitated and started feeling really stupid. "I don't know... there's a lot I like doing..." I mumbled, and felt my cheeks turn red as I started to picture myself from the outside like a very bad version of Bridget Jones.

I don't even want to think about how embarrassed and shy I appeared to be during those short seconds it took for someone else to call me. The thing is that I had forgotten... I really, truly and sincerely had NO IDEA what on earth I like doing!
I have been doing what I had to for so long, studying, working, cleaning, cooking, doing the washing up, doing what the girls wanted me to do, what they like doing, what others choose to do, that I truly hadn't even thought about what I like doing now, when I am an adult and not a teenager. It has been so obvious for me, so simple, so automatic. Denying my hobbies, my likes, my needs, my time, myself was just what I was supposed to do.
Since that day in the corridor of the ward 11 I have thought about a more specific answer to that question. Not to finally give this guy a not embarrassing answer (it's social rules, not that he was that interested in knowing) but to finally be able to answer that to myself.
So I started my list of things I like doing and things I truly enjoy in life:
I like being a mom.
I like being a nurse.
I like helping people and doing nice things for others.
I like taking long, long walks (specially if I walk in the company of someone who offers a nice and interesting, or at least amusing, conversation)
I like doing cards and scrapbooks.
I like reading (not best sellers) and writing.
I like going to the movies
I like dancing and parties
I like stupid movies and silly humor, I like sarcasm, too... sometimes.
I like riding my bicycle
I like taking pictures.
I like baking yummy pretty things
I like window shopping, and shopping (but cannot afford it), and smelling creams and perfumes and all those girly things.
I like painting walls and decorating rooms (although I lack the money)
I like knowing things, lots of things! I love knowing!
I like deep stimulating conversations
I like theme parks and carnivals and festivals and going to the zoo.
I like listening to music really loud while I clean and sing my lungs off and dance and jump around
I like things organized, tidy and clean, and smelling good!
I like being goofy and silly at times
I like hugs, bear hugs! and kisses and holding hands
I like music and chocolate and cakes.
I like the smell after it rained and the warm summer mornings.
I like to laugh until my stomach hurts
I like being with my family, all together!
I like those people who smile with their eyes and the whole face and just spread joy and I love those who can laugh so bad they make strange noises as they breath in.

G! I'm pretty normal after all...