Tuesday, December 31, 2013

On Solutions and Resolutions

And this is the last day of the year. Not quite as I dreamed it would be. The whole year was an unexpected moment after another. 

This 2013 has been long and short, good and bad. It's been a year of sad endings and hard beginnings. It all started with the student thesis, then the last clinical practices, the national final examination, graduation, moving to my new place, starting a new job...

The thrills and the pride of having finished college were so wonderful and satisfying, sharing it with my daughters and my niece was the perfect way to have it. As it is expected it was a little bit sad as well. The well known life as a student, a housewife, a wife... it all ended so abruptly! 

Facing the end of the family life I knew was hard enough on its own, all the questions and the wondering, all those feelings I could not name! In the beginning of the summer I felt naked and abandoned, with my life in boxes and my thoughts elsewhere. Running and fixing and solving the unsolvable and compromising on all and giving up on half of it. Nights alone in a lonely new home, planing and thinking and thinking and planing... "How am I going to do this?", "I don't even have a permanent job, what will I do after September?", "How am I going to heal? Will I ever?"

And time went by and the job issue got solved, and more plans and more ideas and more alternatives. Dealing and compromising, compromising and dealing... I have been naked and alone, insecure, scared, broken, exhausted, and somehow in peace.

As it usually is the case, I met wonderful people along the ups and downs of this year. I have made dreams come true, others have made dreams come true for me! 
And after all I have been through this year I sit here alone, before my New Year's Eve night shift, thinking about all the people around me! My dear friends, my new friends, my dear colleagues, my new neighbors (most of them my new friends) the old friends I met again, teachers and instructors who inspired me and helped me, my family, my loving dear wonderful family! my girls! 

I think it's no as much as what happens what counts, I will always cherish this year because I felt so much love, support and friendship! It is hard, oh so hard for a soul like mine to have to ask for help, to accept it! It feels so unnatural to be the one getting the attention. It feels so wrong! And then I think it was just right. I cannot feel other than gratitude this year.

So Thank you! thanks to all of you who are a part of my life and who, each of you in your own way, bless my life with so much! Thank you all, for all you give and all you gave! 

My resolutions? 
To spend more time doing the things that make me happy, that give me peace, that make me see the beauty around me and in everyone I meet. And, if I don't have the chance to return all I got from all you wonderful people, I promise I will pay it forward!