Sunday, May 18, 2014

Oh my! I'm vintage!

Some people have this theory that babies come when their time is right. They say that our spirits wait somewhere and that nobody can actually control it, maybe delay it a bit, but when a baby's time has come, it has come. I'm not so sure about that, it's more a matter of biology but if that was the case, then I really sucked at maths and made some very serious miscounts. 

Last night I was out for the first time in many years. We came in, order something to drink and just looked around. Women came one after the other in dresses three sizes smaller and skirts shorter than my tank tops, really! All of them very pretty with their sparkling eyes and happy smiles of course, but why do some obsess with looking like a very unfortunate sausage? 

I looked around at the guys after, what is wrong with the world? Why do people need so much alcohol to dance around and have fun? Don't misunderstand me here, I am not judging any of the people I came across with, I just don't understand them. I felt all the time like something was extremely wrong with me since I could not feel I belonged there. I am so thankful I didn't leave the girls with a nanny to go out because I wouldn't have been this calm and reflective today if I had. 

I must have been born way pass the time I should have. What happened with gentlemen asking some nice questions, starting a small talk and inviting one to the dance floor? Or maybe getting closer while on the dance floor. What happened to music? Why can't I move even a little to the "pum chi, pum chi, pum chi" sound? 

The thing gets worse I'm afraid. I am so, so weird it's starting to scare me and make me question my sanity. I have this retro idea of a man's courtship with smiles, dinner out, a long walk under the sunset, a dance (not a pum chi, pum chi one!), a little note, a day at the carnival or the zoo, the movies, a pic-nick in the park, opening the car door, giving the lady his coat if she is cold... I dream on courtship! I am totally insane! I try so hard to understand and somehow imitate the way things apparently are nowadays, but since I truly don't get it I end up doing things so wrong it's scary! 

I'm happy I finally got myself. I am so happy I finally understood why things go so wrong for me sometimes. I am vintage! Ladies and gentlemen (if any left in the pure sense of "men of good and courteous conduct"): I quit! Society will have to deal with the fact that I am aunty Lorena, no more trying to fit in, I don't anyway! And to be honest, why do I make such an effort to fit in when I don't feel comfortable? In a way, I am trying to put myself in a dress three sizes smaller and end up looking like a very unfortunate sausage. 

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