These last days haven’t been the happiest… I really don’t know why but I have been kind of gloomy. As it usually is the case Cecilia (my little sis, and she will always remain with that title) made me think with something she posted about Latvia and its people. I said that it’s usually the case because my sisters (if it hadn’t been Cecilia it would have been Laura) always come with the right words at the right time.
Sometimes I get caught by a feeling of loneliness or maybe sadness or… I really don’t know how to put it into words. I just have a heavy feeling in my chest, it gets harder to smile and my mind is floating all over the place with no chances to focus on anything at all. Those days go by and things get back to normal again, but I haven’t figured out why they come at all.
My sister’s post and something that a very wise man called Henry Eyring said made me think a lot and I guess I am finding a clue to why those unpleasant feelings come along. My sister mentioned in her post that Latvian people don’t complain, that they remember those difficult days of trial and probation, of hunger and cold and that they just can’t but being thankful for what they have today. Henry Eyring said: “…to be happy and to avoid misery, we must have a grateful heart. We have seen in our lives the connection between gratitude and happiness.” And it usually is the case that whenever I get gloomy, I had forgotten to be thankful.
I thought today about all those things that I often take for granted and what my life would be without any of them, or the people around me, or the tasks that I have to do and the obligations that I have, and the truth is that I found out that I am a much happier person than I thought I was. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way, I couldn’t even think of not having my loved ones in my life… I am simply happy and it is such a shame that I forget about it sometimes.
I am so grateful for my daughters, for Nicklas (even when he complains quite a lot and has this extreme ability to point out the wrongs in life, things and people…), I am thankful for my dad and sisters, for my family and my friends, for the opportunity to study, for my home, for my health, I am even thankful for what I am and even though it felt hard to maintain during a hard time in my life, I am thankful for the faith that I have, and for the fact that though week at times, it never turned off completely.
This Christmas time is a very different one, it is the second Christmas without my mom, but instead of being filled with the pain of not having her, it is being filled with the gratitude for having had her all those years, for having the memories of her so alive in my heart. This Christmas will most certainly not be perfect, and it is OK.
I just wish I could teach myself this lesson properly… When smiles are hiding and the heart feels filled with sorrow, just remember that despite the hard times, the trials, the probation, the difficulties, despite the imperfections of life, or maybe just because of them, you are blessed even more than you can count.
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