Here I am, I'm supposed to be studying but it's a big step forward not to be doing a spring cleaning, as I usually do when I feel the pressure rising. I am surprisingly not sad, not gloomy, not tired to the bone marrow, despite having worked a very stressful night and getting 4 hours sleep after that. I am, on the other hand, writing this while listening to Bryan Adams, blame it on the hormones. We girls are so lucky to have a valid biological excuse to stuff like this!.
I got my schedule for next month, I am going back to the day shift! It feels so good! I am sad also because I really like my co-workers. They are fun to be around with and we have it nice together. I laugh so bad when they talk to me and I say "aha..." and they see I am far far away in my own little world. They know I am not that normal but it's OK, at least it's OK for me. Working night is great in many ways, since we are only three in the whole ward we get to talk a lot more, we are also responsible for patients in a very different way, one dangerous change in breathing, pulse or whatever and we are alone, we gotta react and do it fast until the doctor, one to the whole house, makes it into place. We learn to trust each other and help each other in a more intimate way, after all, we are almost all we have for the next 10 hours. I like it, I would like to stay if it wasn't because my body and my mind can't stand it anymore. That makes me sad, too, finding out that although I can adapt, I can't do it all. I thought I was going to be able to do it, it kinda sucks confronting one's limitations but it's always good to know them. I know for sure now, I can't handle working nights for a long period of time, not alone with two young kids at least.
With the change of shift come a lot of practicalities to solve and organize, the hardest of them all is how to drop the girls in school and day care with no buses that early in the morning (which was the only reason I took the night shift to begin with), but I'll make it, we'll make it somehow. It might be hard for a while but at least we are having better weather now and it's light in the morning. We'll work it out. The days at their dad's and with me have to be organized as well, and maybe getting a nanny sometimes... It comforts me to think that I am not the only single mom working shifts with no relatives near and if others made it, I will. It is said it takes a village to raise kids, I didn't know how true that was until now. I might not have a village, but I'll find a way.