Friday, January 9, 2015

When good intentions come out wrong

You know when you try to cheer someone up and it just gets worse? and then you try with something else and it all goes down the pipe? We've all been there, on both sides I guess. We mean so well, we don't want the other one to hurt, we have this needs inside to just take away all those troubles and crazy harmful thoughts and feelings and help them shine again. We do certainly mean so so well... but whatever we say just makes it muddier and instead of spreading the rainbow of hopes we just awaken a thunder storm.
That happens to me often, I am not an easy person to cheer up, I don't think that works at all with me, it upsets me even more! I happen to feel what I feel and I am OK with that, if I am angry, I am, no need to pretend I am not, if I am sad as hell, I am, it is my fundamental right to feel whatever it is I am feeling, isn't it? My dad is one of the few people who actually gets me in a better mood, how? he just kicks my sentimental ass and hits me with the sharp and poisoned arrows of reality. And that works with me: plain, simple truth. Please do not sugar coat it! If I'm getting crap, no matter how much icing you pour on it, it won't taste any better. The thing is, I am as resilient as a little child, I get over it on my own time, dust myself off and go on, but please do not rush me through it! I forgive and forget, and when I forgive I do forgive, for real, no harm was ever done, erase and start again kind of forgiving. And if we forgive each other, do not bring that up ever again! It's gone, it's passed, it's forgiven. We messed up, we learned, we are better people now. Done!
So why am I posting this? Because seriously, please I really know you all mean well, but please... do not tell me I have to take care of myself, I do that! who else otherwise? I am healthy, I am working, I keep my personal appearance as good as it gets, I am clean and well groomed, eat, sleep, look for medical advise when I need it, get over my emotional problems and set backs, enjoy life as much as I can and go on... Who does that for me? my mom? my dad? my sisters? my imaginary husband? I do that! and I am quite proud of how I do it.
Focus on your kids... Don't I??? do they lack something? don't I take time to play and have fun with them? educate them about life and give them moral values? teach them right from wrong? do recreational activities with them? see that they are well dressed, clean, healthy, that they eat healthy nutritious food, that they can be kids, that they build up their sense of worth and self esteem? that they cultivate a good sibling relationship? I do all that the best I can, and every week they are not with me there is not a minute I don't think about them and feel my heart breaking to the thought that I don't see them 6 months a year. Because I don't! I miss my children six months a year! six months a year I don't get to kiss them good night, or cover them in their beds, or prepare breakfast and say good morning, or hear what happened in school, or blow on their wounds, or sing "Mary's lullaby" before the last kiss of the day... SIX WHOLE MONTHS A YEAR! please do not tell me to focus on my kids! I do that, all day long... but those six months without them I have to survive, I can't let those thoughts of despair get over me, because I have to take care of myself!
Good things come to those who wait? no, not really, life sucks and if you want something you gotta pull up your socks and roll up your sleeves and work you soul out!
Time heals all wounds? I am a nurse! don't come out with that please, I know exactly what happens with wounds that are not taken care of, they rotten! they get infected, they grow and eat up the flesh and bones! You have a wound? take care of it! NOW, even if you have to scrub it and brush the shit out of it with a steel brush and then pour alcohol on it! Time heals NOTHING!
Everything will be fine? No! It won't, it's unrealistic to expect that! no wonder people are frustrated and disappointed all over! Everything is never fine, there are always problems and trials and crap along the way! Life is not meant to be easy, it is not meant to be perfect and all joy and laughter... Get real! shit happens, all the time! Accept it and move on...
I could go on and on, but I think I've made my point... Life is not as complicated as our sentimental brain half thinks it is.
Love someone: say it, show it and for the love of God do not sit like a martyr getting less than you need and deserve! Fight! And get real, love! Go for it! 
Miss someone: get in touch with them!
Can't live without him/her: Cut the crap! of course you can!, sounds wonderful but, really? what is he/she? oxygen?
It's stressful at work: Well, do what you can, fix what you can and leave the rest to whom it may concern!
People treat you badly: Do not hang out with them! you teach people how to treat you, right?
Want to lose weight: eat less calories than you use during the day, or use more calories than you eat, your choice.
Want to eat that cookie: do it!
I think I'm getting old...

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