Emilys B-day Cake!

 I Love small toys... they come out very handy when mum has no time to full around with marsipan... Aren't they cute? This was Emily's 4th birthday cake, and mine too since it was actually my birthday today... Honestly, it's so much more fun to bake and decorate my kid's cakes, and they are so much cuter. So I got my pretty "My Little Pony" b-day today! LOVED IT!!!

And I wonder why...

No wonder I am this in love with my girls...
I was making dinner today, peeling potatoes while Olivia was watching competely concentrated... Her elbows resting on the counter and her little hands holding her chin. I started cutting the first potatoe as she said, profoundly moved by what I was doing, "we are sorry potatoe, we didn't mean it"

Later in the day, Nicklas hited his finger with something... not sure what, to what he screamed "Ouch! S#@!¤!" The girls were playing and running all around the house, but Emily got to hear it and in the middle of the play, she just screamed back at him: "Daddy, it was enough with the Ouch!"

What's up?

Finally it's over... just the first term, and the second term? starting on Monday... Why is it that I bring up College every single time? How boring can one get? The truth is that we haven't had so much going on here except for a few vomits and quite too many visits to the bathroom from Emily and Olivia who got the stomachflu just on time before my finals... They are ok now, they have even eaten good today and fortunatelly no changing sheets and pijamas and giving baths in the middle of the night... the mom? exhausted...
I am so anxious planing Emily's B-day on february! She hasn't picked up a theme for the cake so I thought I could choose it by myself this year... we'll se what comes out of it.
And I turn 35... That's a whole lot of years... I cannot but asking myself what I have done with all those, almost 12,800 days of life I've had... went to kindergarden, primary school, High school... made half way to become a chemical technician, not my stuff; change to pedadogy and finished. Tried to get in Medical School, failed by Physics... not again... changed religion, made one year in Psychology, served as a missionary in Patagonia (been to Cutral Co, Trelew, Comodoro Rivadavia, Ushuaia and San Martin de los Andes) and spent some of the greatest 19 months of my life, came back, got married, started International Business, not my thing... worked as an English teacher in a high School (and a lot of other things as well), started English in the University, moved to Holland for 3 months, moved to Spain for a month, back to Argentina and my job as a teacher, got divorced, moved to Scotland, move to Sweden, studied Swedish, got two wonderful kids,started Nursing... I haven't done much!!! what on earth happened with all those 12,800 days???
I got depressed... but from all I have done there are two little people who summarize it all in just one sentence "I have done two of the greatest of wonders" and I am happy, and with that alone, I feel I have succeded... Lame? maybe... it works for me!

Stressed X-mas...

This x-mas was unusual. I wasn't feeling all x-masy as I usually do... A whole bunch of tests, a lot of memories that came all att the same time to leave me all gloomy, the bad weather...
As it usually happens I let all my stress out in baking, the whisking, the smells, and of course the eating, help me to recover the "home sweet home" feeling when I feel I've lost it. if you are thinking about coming home for tea, I recommend you do it whenever I am homesick. So here are some of the things I've made to cheer myself up. It worked... and of course, it seems to have cheered up the digits is the wiegh as well...

I might have gone a little bit too far

Ok... i LOVE College, and that's no secret, but I am starting to think that I might need to take it a little bit easier when it comes to "bringing College home"... I'm scared i might traumatize my girls. This is not so "normal" is it?

Emily and Olivia's first Lucia

The 13th of December is Lucia day in Sweden. It's kind of long to explain and there are more than one version of the begining and the meaning of it, let's just say it's a Swedish tradition where kids get all dressed up (some of them like KKK members, which is kind of creepy, others like Santa or Santa's little helpers and others, like my kids, just put on "Lucia's night dress and hold a candle) and sing Lucia songs and xmas carols.
The 13th was Emily's and the 14th Olivia's cellebrations in daycare and of course I had to miss them!!! Why? Because I am a terrible, terrible mother who had to be in College both days!!!
Thanks to grandma and grandpa I have it on DVD and could watch it and cry over and over again the next weekend.
Here are some of the pics.

How much is TOO MUCH?

It's been a long time since I last posted something here... I know, I know... the point was to write about all those everyday details that make life what it is, but somehow I haven't got the time. Not that I "really" have the time now but it's good, once in a while, to forget about all the "must do" and get some time off to do, at least one of the "want to do".
These last weeks have been a nightmare! well I might be overreacting but it feels like that just now. When we consider the funny effect of time we might all agree that in a few months, maybe even a few weeks, this would be another "small stone in the way".
Nicklas has been hospitalized for a whole week whith a pneumothorax that nobody seemed to know why it happened or how to fix. After a week they decided that he needed surgery. It all turned out fine... all except me, I'm affraid...
It felt so overwhelming to be alone with the kids, drop them in daycare, study, run to the hospital, taking the dog for walks, writing essays and having online seminaries to attend, the food, the cleaning, the shopping... I managed because obviously there wasn't any other option.
Oh gosh! I am such a whimp! The thought that any other woman would have done it just fine with no complaints strikes me everyday. But I cannot stop wondering how much is actually too much...
A final to come in just two weeks and I am really absolutely not ready, three days in a raw going up att 4 in the morning to catch the buss and then the train and then endless hours in College.
Sometimes it feels a little bit like a damaged computer batery, the screen keeps on showing "7 minutes left" and the stupid thing keeps on going and going. Will anybody believe that I am actually in the "7 minutes left" period? I am not a superwoman, as much as it hurts to admit it, my too much has come with a body that keeps on going and going.
"I'll rest someday", I keep on saying to myself; "count your blessings", "you never get more than you can handle", "if you save your energies and stop complaining you will have more strenghts to do what you are suppoused to", "it's ok to ask for help", "reconsider your priorities", bla, bla, bla, bla... The machine goes on and on with the stupid unseen message "7 minutes left".