I am feeling good, I have so much energy compared to a few weeks ago. I wanna do things, I actually do them! I don't feel like crying over nothing anymore, I even put on make up, and want to go get me some clothes, and I feel alive! The clothes thing is starting to become a major necessity to this point since I struggle to find something to put on. No, no, no! Do not think I am one of those who has a full closet and says she has nothing to wear just because she can't make up her mind. Please be fair! 80 % of my clothes I bought over two years ago, really! I don't like going shopping for myself, it's a pain in the neck. First I see something I like, then I see the price tag and it's a "heck no!" Or I just don't find anything! I have no clue what to buy! Then I gotta take the girls with me because I am never ever free from work without my girls and I don't have someone to take care of them while I go spend lots of money on myself, or out for a fun night with friends, or the doctor's appointment... So they come with me and Olivia will eventually get all cranky and bored, and impossible while Emily hands me out night dresses to which I have to say no. First because I don't go out at night! When would I wear a night dress? Second because they wouldn't suit me, and third because I don't go out at night, or in the evening, or at noon! So well, I hate buying for myself! Sometimes I think all this phobia for buying clothes has a little bit to do with not being able to pamper myself. I want to, I really want to stop putting myself last, I just don't know how. I wish I could but whenever I try I either spend hours justifying such a wimp or convincing myself that I really needed it and am worth it. I miss the way my mom spoiled me!
Anyway, I was thinking a little about people and how they affect us even when we don't know it. Some people have this ability to make us feel guilty even when we haven't done anything. Others can make us feel we're never enough. Others, on the other hand, make us want to be better by seeing the good in us, they accept us the way we are and at the same time inspire us to get healthier, wiser, smarter, happier, stronger. I have been thinking about this wonderful kind of people in my life and couldn't pin point what it is they do, maybe they don't really do anything in particular, but it happens that I feel inspired and uplifted by them.
I hope I am one of those people, one who shows my friends that I accept them for what they are, that I love them for what they are, that I truly, sincerely and honestly wish for their happiness and well being and at the same time give them the desire to be the very best they can because they know I see the good in them. And if I'm not, then I wish with all of my heart that I learn how.